Love, learn, remember & forget. All in its time.
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Snatching 90lbs after being on rest for a week from my back injury. Strength isn’t back yet, but feeling slightly more comfortable snatching this weight than before 💪

Mental block.

For the week ahead:
1. Get started on my 3rd and final essay of the semester.
2. Work out more.
3. Eat no carbs.
4. Figure out what i want in life.
5. Do something creative.

Sigh. Why do i feel so tired, so tired of life lately?..

Lost in the World

You know when you feel absolutely small and insignificant? Yeap. Thats me, right now.

Shit my friends say #102

Its a miracle as to why i still have friends lol

fithealthfood:

Let’s Get Fit!

fithealthfood:

Let’s Get Fit!

livefitdiefit:

Proud of everyone of ya.

livefitdiefit:

Proud of everyone of ya.

"Reason To Believe"

I’ve been waiting for something for so long
To show me the answers that I want
A reason to believe in that’s so strong
But I don’t think that it exists

I’ve been waiting for something for so long
To show me the answers that I want
A reason to believe in that’s so strong
But I don’t think that it exists

Yeah, give me reason to believe
This world’s not a sick machine,
When everywhere’s a dead end in every direction
Yeah, can you give me what I need
Or just sit and watch me bleed?
‘Cause after all, you can’t get everything you want now
But all I would need is one thing to keep me moving on

Everybody’s got a secret, can you tell me what is mine?
Can you tell me what you’d find, I’ll tell you if you keep it
I promise not to lie.

Well, I have the fears, the pain and the tears I just can’t hide
It all disappears ‘cause everything passes with the time
All you need is reason to believe

everything passes with time.

just saw mommy tonight, she looked happy to see me but she wouldn’t let it show. I guess thats where I get one of my traits from. my heart kinda broke when i saw her in tears, when she started talking to me about everything that i suppose she had been keeping on the inside of her.

sometimes it pains me, to be unable to do anything to help her get into a better state of mindset. I deduced that mommy was lonely cos she kept talking about how my sister had a heart of stone, never coming back to see her at all, that even if i was angry at her (mommy) i still always came back.

when she spoke about daddy, thats when she broke into tears, and the image is still lucid in my mind. having a mind that captures images so vividly just might not be such a good thing afterall. mommy asked me questions i found myself unable to answer. i guess although its almost been 2 years, mommy misses daddy, and also, is angry at him for leaving her behind.

i found my eyes stinging with tears, and almost on impulse, i wanted so very much to buy a pack and puff away. but then i remembered, how much daddy hated it, and i pushed the craving away. as i listened to how mommy recollected memories of daddy, i just didn’t know what to feel. you know?

sometimes after the loss of something so great, it just blurs the line between feeling anything at all. love, and pain. its all the same to me at this point of time. i cant do anything to change how my sister is to mommy, but i guess all i can do, is be the daughter who fulfills her duty till the end.

mommy knew that i was hardly home. and she didnt want me to leave. cos she kept asking me to go and take a shower and sleep, on the spare bed in her room. sigh. sometimes i wish i had a clone, that i could be in 2 places at once, to do more things, to spend time with more people. mommy kept asking if i was hungry, if i was tired, if i had money..hearing her say all that, made me think of daddy.

these were the same damn set of questions he used to ask me, 2 wretched years ago..

there it is again, the stabbing pain, deep inside my heart. what is it? bitterness? pain? grief? sigh. goddammit. sometimes i really find it impossible to feel any emotions at all for anything at all.

so what if i have monies? so what if i have nice clothes? so what if i eat good food? so what if i have education? so what if i have people in my life? so fucking what? what is all that if i have nothing in my heart to feel happy for? its all pointless. pointless. starting to find the days that i am living by, pointless blanks.

"Most Iconoclastic Gin - It is not for Everyone".

#gin #hendricks #bestintheworld

"Most Iconoclastic Gin - It is not for Everyone".

#gin #hendricks #bestintheworld

(Source: m.weheartit.com, via ibrhm5)

hayashiwylona:

Nomnomnom

hayashiwylona:

Nomnomnom

(Source: deadwylona, via iamvioletdoll)

Drove by today, and couldn’t resist, looking good, TP. 

#TP #Temasek #alumni

Drove by today, and couldn’t resist, looking good, TP.

#TP #Temasek #alumni

Casablanca(s)

Trying very hard to focus in class after a long-asses day. Survived my first day in my new office, seems like traveling is going to be one of the pains in my back (pun intended as i’m still recovering from my back injury), traveling from home, to work, from work to school, or the Box. Goddammit i want a car :( But as one of the mantras that i firmly believe in, hard work pays off. I still gotta work hard to get my Degree under my belt. For my future, for our future and to make Pops proud. 10 more months to go, hang in there Zan. Lecturer is cramming SO much info into the lecture i feel my head is about to explode. Its weird when i see the word “Casablanca” on the powerpoint slides and all i think about is Julian Casablancas from “The Strokes”. Lol.