Love, learn, remember & forget. All in its time.
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You are everything I see.

OK, finally am sitting down in front of the drawing board. Been back from Perhentian for about 2 weeks now, and I’ve been at an all time lazy level. Which explains the extra flab that I’ve piled on. The Duke keeps nagging that I eat too much and that I complain too much that I am horrendously fat after I’ve fed my face.

Well. Too bad, I have issues accepting the fact that my body is growing flabby. Something that i absolutely hate. I need to watch my diet, I need to give up food, if i were to choose drinking. I just cant have both ๐Ÿ˜”

Perhentian was pretty awesome. The weather was perfect and I got 2 shades darker, I could have been golden if I still had my golden tanning lotion. Still hope that idiot who took it away from me burns in hell, yes, I can forgive but I can never forget. ohhhh i’m kidding.

Started off the trip on the morning of 25th July, by missing our flight (thats on me), and felt my gut fall right out of my body, when I came to the realisation that we missed my flight because I had taken things for granted. Spent half the day getting to Trengganu, because we had to change flights.

Couldn’t stop beating myself up over it because of my mistake. Finally got to Trengganu to the horrid realisation a muslim country, alcohol is scarce ๐Ÿ˜‘

I had a mild shock when I realised the hotel we were staying at had zero alcohol. Even beer. Had to trek 1 mile with the Duke just to get to this Chinese food place which tried to extort us out of the only 100 bucks we had. We’re probably never going back to that place, ever LOL

Woke up early the next day for a 2 hour drive to the jetty, weather was looking up, by 12pm, we were at Perhentian. Place was literally something out of a postcard.

It was, dope as hell. Both the Duke and I couldn’t wait to change and jump into the waters. Got changed, and jumped in. The water was perfection. With live fishes swimming about, and biting you. Yes, bloody hell, I freaked myself silly by the fishes that swam up and bit me. Thats what too much of NatGeo does to you, mindf**k..

i got paranoid that there were piranhas and to add to that, I was never comfortable with swimming with open waters ๐Ÿ˜ญ

But anyhow, the experience was really worth every bit. Swam up to the corals and felt my heart go into a mild frenzy, but at the same time, it was so gorgeous. Man, sometimes, you just gotta experience some things for yourself, yknow?

Duke came up to me a couple of times, chuckling, that I looked just like a kid, excited about being by the seaside for the first time. Well, I think this is something that gets my heart way more excited than most things in life. i wish the afternoon would last forever ๐Ÿ˜ž

Dried up, and curled up with the Duke on the lounges, and we caught the sunset, something that the Duke had wanted to catch. It was all so splendid. The vibrant colors, the atmosphere and the weather, didn’t get to take any pictures because I left my phone in the room.

We ended the perfect day with drinks by the only bar on the island. LOL.

Next day, woke up to breakfast, and I snuck a couple slices of bread from the bar. There were clouds in the sky, but that wasn’t gonna stop me from going out to have fun. Snuck a slab of bread in my hand and went out to sea. The moment i started breaking bit of bread off, the fishes started circling, and i got mildly panicky, lol. Fishes aren’t that dumb after all.

The Duke finally came and joined me, and for an hour, it was feeding time with the fishes. To me, it was both, slightly freaky, but yet, super exciting. LOL. The Duke kept exclaiming, "throw the bread further!!..not in front of me babe!!!..", the more he exclaimed, the harder I laughed, it was probably hella scary when you had 50 fishes swimming at 50km/h towards your unprotected face.

We took the 12pm ferry back to Trengganu and headed to our last pit stop on the trip. Picked up some alcohol along the way, and had to treat it like contraband, got the alcohol all wrapped up in newspaper. Finally checked in, and got one of the most expensive costing lunches, that tasted incredibly weird.

Picture this. Beef, chicken and lamb, all marinated in sweet and spicy sambal sauce, grilled and served in a western style, with a side of black pepper sauce. With a side of tasteless mash potatoes and pickled veggies.


it costed us, possibly about 50bucks or so. Which helped the Duke and I to realise, that we should never order western food in a location, that is probably more well known for chow mein, or fried rice.

Once we were done with that, we headed back to our room, curled up on the bed, and decided that it was time for our last 2 stamps ๐Ÿ˜ข

The babies that I had been saving for a special moment, I guess, that was it. We fed each other, and we were off.

I couldn’t think of anyone else better to share my stamps with, other than the Duke. Yes, that is how much I love him. He probably knows, how great is that value, when I put it that way. teehee.

While waiting for the stamps to kick in, we’d gotten a couple of towels and headed down to the beach, found a shady spot, laid the towels and laid down. It was sunny, with a pleasant breeze in the air. The Duke decided to go for a swim, while I sat on the sand looking at him.

I felt the stamps kick in when I saw the granules on my hand shifting and dancing, and when I placed my hands on the sand, i felt the sand shift, and that scared me. I was completely aware that it was my mind playing games with me, but yet, I felt freaked out by the sand. Talk about being silly.

The Duke came back to sit by me after 15 minutes? I had no grasp of time and distance, at all. We laid on the towels just looking at the visuals, tripping the hell out of things.

I felt at complete peace, looking at how the clouds shifted and changed, multiplied and drifted. How the clouds kept crystallising. How the sand felt falling through my fingers and my toes. How the breeze felt on my skin, and how the evening sun felt on my face.

The Duke and I spoke of many things, more of the Duke spoke, and i listened. One thing that made me laugh so hard was when the Duke said,

You know, i really love putting my feet in the sand. But I really hate the feeling of sand on my hands”. And then the Duke sat up exclaiming that ah pfft, his head was touching the sand already, wasn’t it.

I was unable to find words, all i felt was peace, and how happy everything in that moment made me, and I was focusing on trying to remember every single detail that I was witnessing. I wanted to remember the many different faces that the Duke had, when he was talking of different things. How his face changed, lit up, downcast, got serious, got concerned, became stern and firm, and how happy he looked, and sounded.

The colours of the sunset was out of this world. I finally understood how the description of “golden rays" came about. The sun rays felt so cosy, as the shone down on my face, onto the sand, I literally saw rays of golden sunlight, from the blue blue sky with different shades of blue and turquoise, and white puffy clouds.

I remembered thinking to myself that I was living in a dome with the perfect sky. You know one of those snow globes you buy in thrift stores? I felt like I was living in one of those globes, with the perfect sky, sun, and clouds, on a sandy beach and the sea. I just didn’t want to get up, to add to that, I was digging my feet into the sand, and it felt absolutely comfortable. LOL. Time check, we were already 4 hours into our trip, and we were peaking by now.

We headed back to the room, when the day started to turn into night. The Duke was moving so fast with his words and thoughts, and I just didn’t want to miss anything. Subconsciously, I hit the voice memo button on my phone, and I made recordings on and off about our conversations.

The Duke and i made a list, a list of things that we had to talk about, when we sobered up. I felt a little scared, knowing that these things that we had to talk about, are probably legit adult stuff. Things we had to talk about if we wanted to take the next step in adulthood.

i felt a teeny tiny bit of fear, knowing that this is real, but try telling yourself that when you are high as a pie in the sky. I understood how much the Duke wanted to see changes in life, but i found myself thinking, I didn’t want this to just be just the stamps talking, I wanted it to be concrete. I remembered asking the Duke for a piece of paper and a pen, to make a list.

Boy, we made a list, but was it tough, trying to stay focused while tripping up. Everything was distracting. LOL.

By our 10th hour or so, We went out for a walk, and under the night sky, the Duke and I stood in the middle of the beach, looking up at the sky with the twinkly stars. I felt a tinge of sadness, knowing that this was my last 2 stamps, and that I might not get any for an unknown period of time. I recalled the Duke looking right at me and saying gently, "don’t hunt for it babe. don’t, hunt", I felt my eyes tear up, with the sadness, and also coming to the realisation that the Duke is right. That probably, it was time to really grow up and stop searching..

The Duke and i finally crept into bed at 4am, after 20 hours of being wide awake. Body was dead exhausted but my mind was still racing. I felt asleep, feeling safe with the Duke hugging me to sleep from behind.

Woke up the next morning to breakfast, and spent the day doing recreational activities with the Duke, lazing in the sun, cycling out to get cup noodles, having a go at ping pong, which i absolutely sucked at ๐Ÿ˜ฉ Had an early night, and by the next day, we were on our flight back.


Today marks our 6th. Sometimes when I’m alone, I still smile to myself to think about how far we’ve came. About the things that we’ve been through, I’m not the best girlfriend around, but I try.

The Duke makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he makes me frown and he makes my head wanna explode from time to time, I love waking up and seeing him beside me, and I hope that carries on. I love how sometimes he holds me to sleep. And I very much love how much he wants us to work out, even when sometimes i feel like utter crap. In general, the good still outweighs the bad, and I can’t think of anyone else whom I want to share my life with.

We’re going through a phase right now, with both of us going through a change in jobs. But with the right actions, and a positive attitude, i’m pretty sure, the Duke and I are gonna get our sweet reward for this season, soon. Its hard to keep cranking the positivity up, but I’m believing it that something good will happen soon enough. It will.

On a summarised note, both of us has decided to work on:-
1. Getting our personal fitness on a better level
2. Being in better control of our finances
3. Drinking less. Making better drink choices.
4 thereon, please refer to the list in the closet.

Anyhow. Happy 6th Baby ๐Ÿ˜˜


(Source: sonsgifs)

(Source: sonsgifs)

(Source: sonsgifs)

"I love you, Tara. Iโ€™ve loved you since I was sixteen. You stayed when anyone else wouldโ€™ve bailed. Youโ€™ve given me a beautiful son, taken Abel on as your own."

(Source: sonsgifs)



These little fruits are holding him down

free him



These little fruits are holding him down

free him

(Source: koyaniyako, via comfynigga)

(Source: c-nfusing, via comfynigga)


Macro with Dandelionsย Dimitar Lazarov


Made the Duke upset by asking if that is what we were..sigh. I shouldnt have.

maybe, i should keep him.. ๐Ÿ

maybe, i should keep him.. ๐Ÿ


Looking at how hard I am trying to keep my hands from shaking, because I am terribly frustrated at the blunder I committed this morning.

We missed our flight.

Yes. Never once in the history of my entire life has that ever happened to me before. I fucked it up by being overly confident about flight timings and we missed our flights.

Even if the Duke wasnt chewing my ass up about the blunder I just did, I feel absolutely horrid on the inside. Up to this point, I couldnt believe how careless I was with the details at all. Wasted time and wasted money. I hope I’m able to make up for it.

Perfect capper to a long month. 1 for each hand.

Perfect capper to a long month. 1 for each hand.

We be Ballin’

On the way to submit my last 2 assignments of the Sem. Annnnd we’re done. Finished the first lap of being back at school, and I can say, it, is, not as easy as I thought it’d be.

Results for my first assignment just came back. I did fairly well i suppose, missed first class by 2 points. I don’t know to be angry at myself for missing by a mere 2 points, or otherwise glad that at least I got upper second class grades.

With weeks of being frazzled, stressed out and trying to juggle the billion things at work, boy, am i thirsty. Been dreaming about smooth creamy Kilkenny flowing down my throat, since this afternoon. I’ve been relatively good this month, having cut down on drinks and food. Cmon, Xan, you want a better body, yeah? You gotta keep on track.

I want nothing more than to sit down and watch a buncha stupid movies, with a beer in each hand, while eating cheesy puffs. Finally ended with the work day, but my brain is still running, did i mention how much I hate dealing with Storyboards and TVC?

First things first, off to submit my assignments, pay my school fees, buy 2 beers (1 for each hand), all in that order.

Here we go. X.